Eat up. Shut up.

2 Oct

Ok…so I’ve been aching to write this blog for a while now, since this is a daily occurrence at my office. There is a person, shall we call them Salad Suzie, or perhaps Hamburger McGee…whatever. The point is this person eats ALL. DAY. LONG. And not only do they eat all day, but they eat WITH THEIR MOUTH OPEN. AND TALK.


I can think of very few pet peeves that rank higher than this disgusting vice. One of them is smoking, and the other is people texting on the street without watching where they’re going. You are in a city….LOOK. UP. But eating with your mouth open is definitely high up there. Combine that with actually trying to talk, while chewing, while swallowing….ughhhhhhhhhh.

I personally don’t find it that difficult to take a bite and gnosh with my mouth closed. Pretty much everyone else I know has also mastered this societal given. And if someone is talking to me while I’m chewing, I give them the international sign for “I’m eating right now,” which is a vigorous head nod, paired with a hand wave, finished off with an exaggerated chewing motion. Trust me, it’s very attractive.

Of course, this doesn’t always work, like when you are on the phone. A portion of my job requires a lot of phone time, and thus, a lot of talking. So when I have to listen to a person flap their gums and smack their gums….it’s a lot of gums. Salad, soup, chicken, pasta, cupcakes, you name it, she’s eating it, and I’m hearing it.

The odd thing is that this doesn’t seem to bother anyone else. Although honestly, who wants to be that person. Um, I DO. But since I’m still relatively new, and the youngest person in the department, I don’t think it’s in my best interest to say “O MY GOD. PLEASE CLOSE YOUR MOUTH. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR THAT.” So I’ll just keep my mouth shut. Apparently it’s not the easiest thing to do.


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