Archive | November, 2010

A Special Message to the man arguing with his wife. On the phone. On the Bus. At 11:30 PM.

29 Nov


Ok. Here’s the first thing: SHUT. UP. IT IS 11:30 PM ON A SUNDAY NIGHT AND YOU ARE TALKING REALLY LOUD AND IT’S ANNOYING. I understand this is not an entirely unacceptable hour to be talking to someone on the phone, and maybe you thought it would be a worthwhile use of your time to have this intense conversation on a bus that’s not really that crowded. But there is no excuse for talking this loud, on a bus. Ever. Don’t you see the sign above the front window, partially covered by a Christmas wreath in an attempt to make this bus apparently seem more holiday-esque? Neither do I actually, but it’s there. Please trust me on this one.

Your wife/girlfriend sounds pretty upset. I know this because I can hear her through the phone which you have turned up really loud. So maybe it would be better to have this conversation in person. I get that you don’t trust her anymore, but as long as I’m this involved, why don’t you just tell her what she did, because we both really want to know. Especially her. Just let it out. I’d rather hear that than “You don’t get it. I can’t trust you” 100 times in a row. She does get it. I get it, WE ALL GET IT. You can’t trust her. Just tell her why and MOVE ON. AND TURN OFF YOUR PHONE.

A word of advice. Sometimes, it can be really therapeutic to hang up on someone and seethe in silence. Here’s how that works: Say something like “I’m done with this now” or “I’ve had it!” and then hang up, snap the phone shut, and throw it on the seat. At this point, I’m getting close to begging you to do this, since my continuous pivots to stare you down haven’t worked. So why don’t you just stop being a disrespectful jerk face, be mature, and hang up on the woman. Then she can call you back and you can ignore her, which is another way of getting your “I’m angry with you” point across. Actions speak louder than words, even right now, when words are speaking PRETTY LOUDLY.



I’m Really Excited I Have a Desk

23 Nov

 In honor of the “desk that’s not really mine but I’m excited about it anyway” desk, I’ve compiled a gallery of some other noteworthy work spaces, famous, future, fowl, and fabulous. Click through the photos and enjoy!

The First Two Days: A Retrospective

22 Nov

I’m currently 6 hours into my 2nd shift at my new job (it’s 6 am). While I don’t want to make too many spot judgments, I’m getting some pretty good vibes so far! Possible reasons:

  • My id picture: Since I interned here previously, they kept my photo on file, so I was spared a 4 am photo session. Plus, the photo is decent, which makes it the one and only semi-attractive photo of me taken under harsh, fluorescent lighting.
  • My desk: Well, it’s not really my desk per se, but it is actually a desk, and not just a computer on a table. I can even bring a book to work and leave it there without it taking up half the space! Promotion? I think so.
  • Free coffee: In the past 2 days, I’ve drunk about 10 cups of coffee and paid approximately zero dollars for it. Let’s put that in perspective: if I had to pay, I would have spent almost $30 if I had gone to Starbucks (which I would never do because that place is a MASSIVE RIPOFF).
  • Free breakfast: You all know how much I love free things, and having name brand cereal at arm’s reach at 2 am is pretty great.
  • I’m using my brain: Aside from the fact that my brain is exhausted, it’s actually being used! I had to dust off the cobwebs a bit, but it’s back in business! And this is one powerful brain, let me tell you…watch out when this thing is in use!
  • I don’t feel panicked, distressed, hysterical, bitter, jealous, or angry: It’s been 6 months, but I feel like I’m finally making progress towards reaching a career goal, and while I know it’s not going to happen overnight, I’m accepting it, instead of weeping.

Aside from feeling a bit groggy, I have this foreign feeling overcoming me…could it be positivity?! I’ll mull that one over for a while, but thinking back on day one of old job (calling parents in tears, falling asleep because of boredom) and day one of new job (talking to parents sanely, falling asleep from deprivation) I think I may have turned a corner!

A(Fond…or maybe not)Farewell

21 Nov

The other night, I finished my final shift at my now-old job. There were tears, hugs, and fond farewells….eh, NOT. It was more of me counting down the seconds, bolting towards the door, and feeling the weight of a challenging six months disintegrate with the final turn of the revolving door. It was actually symbolic in a few ways, the first being that my last day was exactly six months from my first day, and the second being that I left the building alone, exactly how I came in. I expected a film crew to yell “CUT” as I left the building and some rolling credits to appear as I looked hopefully up at the midtown sky, but no one really noticed. Big surprise.

The past couple of days at work have only made me breathe an even deeper sigh of relief as people have reacted to the news that I’m leaving. Pretty much every reaction I got was that I was lucky to be getting out. One of the senior people at my job bent over and whispered maniacally, “It’s better to get out now, because it’s hard to escape this place once you’re in.” What is this, some secret prison disguised as a computer lab? Judging from some of the people I worked with, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a parole officer on the 3rd floor.

Obviously, I don’t need any justification for why I’m leaving this job, and I’ve been trying to rack my brain for something positive that I can take away from it. Of course, I met some nice people, had access to free coffee, and got to watch Glee uninterrupted on Tuesday nights. But I can’t think of much on a professional level that will be of use to me in the future, although I’m sure my stellar CTRL C and V skills will be an advantage at my next job. I can’t wait to blow these people away with how expertly I can copy, paste and fashion generic emails, skills which will surely set me apart.

I’m just happy for the clean break and a fresh start. Now that I’ve gotten through the “first-job” stage of my life, I can move on knowing I certainly aced the despaired 20-something stereotype. Hopefully I can move on to the driven, ambitious, and delightfully naive college-grad next. That is, if I can find her.


17 Nov

I GOT A NEW JOB!!! It’s finally happened, and I didn’t even really have to beg for it! Someone from my old internship called me, I had an interview which I ROCKED (excuse my obnoxious bragging, I’m excited!) and a week of sleepless nights later, I got an email with the terms of my life-hell freedom contract, also known as a JOB OFFER!!

Yes, I am pretty pumped, and so excited to start on a new adventure. Of course, this is coming on the heels of some pretty enjoyable weeks at work, a more regular schedule, and some new friends.  BUT, as my sister pointed out in my moment of weakness, it took four months of total over-dramatic misery to get two months of fragile work contentedness. Now I’m just focusing on the fact that I’m back on track toward some life goals and actually using my college degree for things other than writing this blog.

However, my mood was dampened slightly when I realized I was going to have to tell my bosses I was quitting a week before Thanksgiving, but apparently, my positive life orb was emitting full force, because they were both really happy for me! So no burned bridges or dark clouds hanging over me for the rest of the week, which is a relief. Now, I’m finishing my job here on Friday and reporting to my new tenure on Saturday morning….yup, another job that will eat away at my weekends and social life. Plus, the “normal” hours of my shifts will be midnight to 9 am! Expect to see some delirium-induced entries in the months to come.

But all-in-all, this is a launching point for me, and it will be nice to be working in a place that encourages ambition. Plus, I’ll be working with people my own age, learning work skills I can actually talk about without falling asleep and the permanent bump on my forehead from my daily head-banging will finally be reduced. I’m glad I didn’t decide to cut bangs in my hair, because that’s never really worked out well for me. With this streak of positives, maybe even my hair will cooperate! Eh, I’d rather not test it.

A movie that pretty much sums up the last 6 months of my life

12 Nov

Last night I spent the last two hours of my shift productively watching movie trailers on YouTube. Aside from developing an obsession with Blue Valentine, (which comes out in December and stars my favorite actor Ryan Gosling! Eeep!) I also came across another little indie flick Tiny Furniture, which is about a college grad who moves back home, finds herself a fish out of water, and tries desperately to  adjust to her post-graduate life. An alternate title would be The Story of My Life.

Of course, the movie critics were all over the film. Everyone loves to judge. But one particularly sensitive reviewer summed the movie up in this way:

“Surrounded on all sides by what she could become, Aura just wants someone to tell her who she is.” 

Well said IMDB anonymous movie reviewer snogurl360! So glad you were able to sum up in 20 words what I’ve been crying and stressing about understanding for  the past 6 months!

I also really relate to the poster above. Is this movie about me?! Where are my royalties??  Take note parents, sister, friends, coworkers, 11:00 bus driver, 1:00 bus driver, random people on the highway, random people on the street, clerk at Duane Reade, gas station attendant, my car steering wheel, my dog, and the 10th red stoplight I’m sitting at: I AM HAVING A VERY, VERY HARD TIME.

Aura gets me. Aura and her tiny furniture and arm tattoo understands! I think I’ll be seeing this movie…and I think I’ll be seeing it at least 20 times.


Free stuff

5 Nov

I love free things. It’s kind of a passion of mine, right behind writing a best-seller and anchoring Nightly News. So my job has been great this week, because there’s been a show relaunch (free gifts), election night coverage (free food) and post-election parties (free gifts and food).

Yes, I found another perk of working at this job: the plethora of free–and often useless–stuff we get here. First up:  an etched glass paperweight! What a thoughtful, perfect gift, considering NO ONE USES PAPER ANYMORE.  Of course, if I had an office, or a cubicle, or even a desk of my own, I could add it to all the little business-y tchotchkes one collects throughout their professional tenure.  But all I have is a communal computer and approximately 2 feet of space between me and my co-worker. Still, you never know when all the computers will break down and suddenly we start doing work by hand and using a courier system, so the paper-weight stays.

Then, news spread that they were giving out free sweatshirts, and the place cleared. After a stampede to the elevators, and a breathless “Do you have a medium,” suddenly the entire office looked like drones in light grey sweatshirts. Being swaddled in a jersey knit, cotton blend hoodie provides just enough extra padding for my hourly head pounding on my desk. So the sweater stays.

But this is just the week that keeps on giving. As a thank you for everyone’s efforts on covering election night, we were presented with a leather-bound moleskin and a pen. Pretty awesome! Now I can put into words all my desires and dreams. Plus, with the company logo stamped on the front, I’ll have a constant reminder of what’s holding me back from said desires and dreams.

Now, as a newbie, I was pretty pumped about all this free swagger. But of course, people love to complain. Immediately after opening our tastefully decorated boxes,  slipping on our sweaters, and digging into our free dinner,  remembrances of days (and gifts) passed started to clog my feel-good feeling.

“Remember when they gave out wind breakers and bottles of champagne?”

“Remember when we used to get benefits instead of notebooks?”

“Remember when they actually paid us well instead of spending the money on these dumb gifts?”

To which I say, beggars can’t be choosers, and also, ignorance is bliss. The golden days are over, but I’ve never known anything but the complete disintegration of every industry in America.  So just let me enjoy the last few remnants before we’re all given t-shirts and a stack of loose-leaf paper.