My New Haircut Disturbingly Resembles that of a Serial Killer

17 Dec

Yesterday, I got a haircut. This has always been a much dreaded and traumatic event in my life, which is why I avoid doing it at all costs. My hair and I have always had a tumultuous relationship and getting a haircut usually  exacerbates my despair. It’d had been months since I’d even trimmed it, and seemingly overnight, it looked even more awful than normal, prompting my mom to tell me that “I’ve looked better.” How sweet.

Of course, if I was in college, I’d have thrown on a baseball hat for another month or chopped some bangs for a new edge, but now that I have a job, it’s important to uh, not look like crap. So in an attempt to polish my bedraggled-chic look, I trekked over to a salon, which is the most generous term I can bestow on this place. “Hair Murder Tavern” seems more accurate, because  what ensued was a 15- minute hack session with a chain-smoking hair-stylist, a razor, and a round brush. The result? Behold:

No lie, this is my new haircut. And also the expression I’ve been wearing on my face since.

The last haircut I got was a three-hour ordeal, and every hair follicle was trimmed to perfection. It was naturally the best haircut I’ve ever had–it grew out well, looked sleek and professional, and actually did what I combed it into doing! I loved it, and everyone told me how cute and sassy I looked. And now, behold:

At this point, I’m resigned to the fact that it’ll take a few weeks for my hair to “settle” and maybe even look good every other Thursday and alternating Saturdays. But now, I’m even more self-conscious at the office, because I know everyone thinks I look ridiculous. Aside from not even noticing, the only other comment I’ve heard is: “Did you get your haircut? Do you like it?” I don’t, and obviously neither do you.

It should be funny by now, the fact that I’ve had 22 years of consistently bad hair, but if I laugh, well, behold:

I give up. How I’ll rue these days when I’m famous and have a professional hairstylist on call 24/7. Someone please discover me, hand me fame, and take me out of my misery, otherwise I’m going to be really angry. And that’s something you don’t want to see. BEHOLD!

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4 Responses to “My New Haircut Disturbingly Resembles that of a Serial Killer”

  1. Laura December 23, 2010 at 2:24 am #

    I mean there are worse people to look like, javier bardem is not only famous and very sexy, but also toting a few oscar nods. I’m just saying, and yes I realize you’re not a man, and thank god for that! BUT you could totally rock that style with some mouse and a few drops of awesome. Flip it out with a straightener or a curling iron.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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    […] and am now into day three of vacillating over whether I like it. My last haircut came with the typical trauma, and as always, I dreaded cutting my hair again, despite the fact it looked like hell for the […]

  2. 100 Posts–This is Big. « Working Girl Smiling - August 19, 2011

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    […] always had a rather complicated relationship with my hair, as has been documented many times over in this blog and elsewhere. In the entirety of my life, between the many haircuts I’ve had, […]

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