Chestnuts Roasting On A…Computer Monitor?

25 Dec

Merry Christmas everyone! It should come as no surprise that I’m at work right now, running on two hours of sleep and six cups of coffee (so far). This is going to be a long night, primarily because IT’S CHRISTMAS AND NO ONE IS WORKING AND EVEN THE NEW YORK TIMES HASN’T UPDATED SINCE I COMBED THROUGH EVERY FEATURE ARTICLE YESTERDAY WHEN I WAS ALSO WORKING AND NOW I’M YELLING IN CAPS LOCK AND BASICALLY WORKING ON CHRISTMAS SUCKS!

Well, I got that out of my system. Fortunately, I was able to salvage a bit of my Christmas Eve by sacrificing the majority of my sleep. Let me tell you, there is nothing like sitting down to a tuna steak approximately five minutes after waking up from a groggy, 2-hour nap. But I sat down to the family dinner, made it to church and the annual after party, ate cookies, conversed like a normal human being, and even wore lipstick. It was a big deal.

And now I’m at work, watching the minutes tick by. I actually have quite the laundry list of things I’d like to get done tonight, mostly to avoid falling asleep at my desk and killing someone. I want to work on some fellowship applications to study abroad, figure out how to fill out a direct deposit form so I can finally get a paycheck, and add to my soon-to-be released novel, currently titled Actually, You Are Never Going to Write This Thing.

But let’s not kid ourselves here. I think we all know that what I’ll actually be doing is watching Christmas movies on Hulu and following the North American Aerospace Defense Control’s…wait for it…Santa Tracker. Right now he’s in the Galapagos Islands, but in approximately 10 seconds, he’ll be in Chile! How does he do it??

Well anyway, Merry Christmas everyone. My movies are queued up and I only have 420 minutes to fit them all in, so I better get busy.


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