Beyond Believability–An Epic

8 Mar

There are some days that just defy your wildest dreams from what would make a bad day. Yesterday was one of the WORST MORNINGS OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. I had to wait an entire day to even write about it because it was so traumatizing.

Where do I even start–or finish–this sordid tale? Let’s start with the hair. All bad days seem to start with bad hair. I woke up yesterday and realized that I had once again neglected to brush my hair out before I went to bed, and a peek in the mirror exposed a horrific sight–my face, surrounded by a rat’s nest of frizzy, untamable horror. But this was manageable. A little tuck here, a giant headband there, and I was semi-presentable. Next.

My car sits outside, and after nine-billion inches of rain and 50-degree weather over the weekend, the temperature dropped below freezing, leaving my car encased in an inch of ice. Then for good measure, another inch of icy snow had accumulated overnight.  Fabulous. More time spent scraping off my car, covering myself in snow, all to carve out a small circle of window to be able to see through. Maybe a little less manageable than the hair, but next.

The traffic. Here is when things started to break down. Every day has started or ended with  an epic commute, but yesterday takes the cake. Because of the rain, there was a puddle somewhere on the highway. Instead of shutting one lane down, THEY CLOSED THE ENTIRE HIGHWAY. Which then turned said highway into a parking lot of people trying to take back roads to get around. An hour later, I was still nowhere near the bus, and even farther from work . I was in tears. I was lost. It couldn’t get any worse.

And then, it did.

A brief aside: As an aspiring writer, I sometimes come up with ideas or good lines to store for later. But in my most creative state, I would never, ever, EVER think up of what happened next.

The window on my car broke. Not in a shattering “this is a sign the end is near” way, but in a “window just dropped for no reason because God is laughing at you right now” way. I COULD NOT MAKE THIS UP. My window literally came off whatever track it’s on, and could not–and cannot–be rolled back up. So I spent the rest of the ride with a frozen wind whipping at my face. And then I missed the bus. And then I sat in more traffic. And then the sole of my boot came unglued and I almost fell flat on my face as I was sprinting to work. And then I decided that I should have NEVER WOKEN UP ON MONDAY.

I’m looking for apartments. Hopefully there’s one within approximately 6 inches of my workplace. That’s priority number 1. Then I will find the tallest cliff in the entire world, drive my car to the top, and push it straight off until it is a mangled mess of metal.

O, wait, it already is.

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