Why I Hate Boredom

24 Mar

The past two weeks have slowed down from the manic pace of my first weeks here, finally sputtering to a complete halt. I’ve spent the past few days living in deja vu: endless New York Times reading (while it’s still free), endless Facebook-ing, and endless paranoia that I will never be successful at anything I ever do. Aaannnddd I’m over-dramatic.

Yes, for me, boredom=crippling insecurity. With nothing else to occupy it, my mind floats into “life-failure” territory, and all the things I was sure of when I was busier–or had less time to think about–come waltzing back in, ready to upend the confidence I reached along with a staggering ability to multi-task. Now, my multi-tasking consists of drinking my fifth cup of tea while texting my sister at the same time.

But shouldn’t I be changing the world at this point? I mean, I’ve already been here A MONTH.

Hopefully you all got that little bit of sarcasm. I need to get it too. It’s been a month. Just a month! Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither will my journalism career. I’m just completely immune to the idea of a little something called PATIENCE. But when everyday seems to present another life-changing choice, (should I drive my car off a cliff? Should I move out or live home? Should I cut bangs in my hair?) the idea of stability and anything longterm is a completely foreign concept.

I’m just not the sort of person that does well with nothing to do. Maybe I need to relax, sign up for yoga. Maybe I need to realize that they hired me for a reason and that they’re not discussing my total uselessness upstairs in the corner office. Maybe I’m just an egomaniac who needs to stop drinking so much coffee in the morning. Maybe I really just need to find something productive to do that doesn’t include the words “apartment” and “hunting.”

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2 Responses to “Why I Hate Boredom”

  1. Laura March 24, 2011 at 12:23 pm #

    Maybe you should go overseas and write stories to send back…

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Reinvention « Working Girl Smiling - April 25, 2011

    […] written before about what happens when I get bored…I get insecure and paranoid, and my mind wanders across the Atlantic and into daydreams about […]

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