Reinvention

25 Apr

Man, this day is LOOOOONNNNNNGGGGG. It’s only 2:30 in the afternoon and I’m already set to pack up and go home for the day. Plus, it’s only Monday.

I’ve written before about what happens when I get bored…I get insecure and paranoid, and my mind wanders across the Atlantic and into daydreams about living in Europe. But I’ve been so uninspired lately, I haven’t even put in effort to thinking any of those things, and I’m only drafting this blog post because it’s been an entire week and I feel obligated. I need to be perked up, I need to be enthused! I need an original thought to occur, or something mind-bogglingly interesting to happen.

You think I’d be happy with some mediocrity once in a while–after months of drama and anxiety, I’m finally in a place where I feel somewhat comfortable and at ease. But the bottom line is that I don’t handle relaxation very well. Tension, deadlines and pressure keep me moving forward, and the absence of those things turns me into a blob of boring boredomness.

I need to start thinking of my life outside of work. I’ve been so focused on my career and getting it worked out that I’ve abandoned practically everything else outside of it. I can’t even remember what my interests were before I started working, and now the only things I do outside of work are wash my hair and microwave my dinner.

Ugh, life in the real world is hard! I spent four years crafting a college identity, only to be faced with the task of figuring out how I fit in the post-college world! And someday (God-willing) I’ll get married and have kids and I’ll have to figure out how I fit in there! And all the times in between major life events…where to even begin! Will there be a time where I’m not in constant reinvention mode, when I’m embracing a mellow week as a treat and not a cause for total life reflection?

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