The Single Floor Sigh

1 Aug

When I was in college, there was an unspoken rule that if you lived/had class between the first and third floor, you took the stairs. People who pressed three–and God-forbid two–were subject to the leering glares of exhausted students late for classes ten to fifteen floors up! As someone who lived on the third floor of my dorm, this rule obviously sucked, but climbing the stairs was way better than the passive-aggressive sighs and disgusted looks thrown my way. One especially shameful time, I snuck into an empty elevator and quickly pressed three, sweating out the crucial seconds between the closing doors, before being intercepted at the last-minute by someone in a rush to get upstairs! After an excruciating three floors with the heady weight of judgement on my shoulders, I was fully cured of my elevator-dependent ways and spent the rest of the semester huffing and puffing my way to my room!

Apparently, some of the people who work in my building did not share this traumatic yet calf-muscle-building experience, and feel no shame or remorse in taking the stairs up or even down a single flight! Many a morning I’ve come rushing into the elevator, only to have to wait as people illuminate the entire switchboard with their flat-out refusal to climb the twelve meager stairs between floors. Even worse are the people who take the elevator down a single flight! Use your legs!

But of course, there are exceptions. For example, if you are in a full body cast, taking the elevator is obviously acceptable (although probably good physical therapy to take the stairs?). And if you are Diane Sawyer, you can basically do whatever you want, which is the situation I found myself in this afternoon. After absent-mindedly entering the elevator, the bell dinged two, and I struggled to hold in the enormous sigh threatening to erupt from my lips. But my annoyance was immediately replaced by admiration, when my journalistic and life idol Diane Sawyer strolled out of the elevator with her lunch! Best elevator ride EVER!

So basically, the moral of the story is the only way it is acceptable to take the elevator a single floor is to either be covered head to toe in plaster, or to be the greatest and classiest journalist ever. Take your pick, or take the stairs!


One Response to “The Single Floor Sigh”

  1. SingleDC August 1, 2012 at 8:49 pm #

    I can only support your statement of if it’s “Diane Sawyer” if you spoke with her… did you elevator pitch the shit out of her?

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