Tag Archives: confusion

An Aura of Idiocy

8 Mar

I think the spring pollen is going straight to my brain! All week I’ve been battling a serious case of stupidity. It started on Monday, when I was asked to fact-check some legal information for a story I’m working on. Considering I have exactly ZERO LEGAL EXPERIENCE, this was much more difficult than anticipated. I thought I had solved this problem weeks ago (the fact-checking…not the legal experience), but it was dug back up this week, and one look at the pile of documents on my desk confirmed that any and all information relating to the law had been completely erased from my memory.  Several phone calls to the lawyer and countless laborious sighs later, I finally had a paper-thin grasp on the issues, which was promptly torn in half when I relayed this information to my producer and he asked me another question about it.

And thus continued the rest of my week. While I sometimes feel like I’m one light-bulb too dark at work, this week seemed to be a complete blackout of my brain. I consider myself a smart person, but with the constant learning curve at this job, I feel like I give more blank stares than educated answers. I need to go back to college, where I said things like “The philosophical connotations of this piece were quite immense” and used big words like “metamorphosis.” Academia!

Listen, I know I’m not dumb, but I want my coworkers to know that too! Every time I think I’m finally getting the hang of things and am smoothly sailing through my day, something else comes up that throws me for a loop. If it’s not legal jargon, it’s a technology flub, or a finance question! Why can’t people ask me about things I’m an expert on, like…well…hm. Let me get back to you on that.


The Case of the Missing Breakfast Burrito

16 Jun

Today, as I was going through my daily dirge of emails, I found an online coupon for $5 off my next take out order. Considering I a) never order takeout and b) brought my own lunch, one would assume I would just delete this and move on with my life.

Well, one would be wrong.

A good deal trumps pretty much all other factors when it comes to my decision-making, so no sooner was I clicking on that coupon, I was sorting through the plethora of takeout menus for the Upper West Side area, of which there are many. But finally, I settled on a breakfast burrito and an iced coffee, which satiated my craving for breakfast food and met my goal to constantly be drinking coffee.

Pickup address in hand, I left the office and walked the block and a half to the location printed on my receipt….only to find that The Sidewalk Cafe was in reality a Petco. I walked five more blocks up, and then back down the other side and still no Sidewalk Cafe. Now I started to think I was getting scammed. In the world of New York City restaurants, what is there one day may not be there the next. But I headed back to the office to call the restaurant and see what was going on.

Much to my surprise, they picked up! So at least I knew the place existed. He gave me a different address than the one I had, and I was once again off to pick up my brunch lunch. And once again, THE PLACE DID NOT EXIST AT THAT ADDRESS. So I asked a policeman, then a doorman, then a waitress at another cafe, then the cashier at a diner, then a random passerby, then a child walking to school, then a dog on a leash….before ONCE AGAIN giving up and walking back to my office.

At this point, I’d been wandering around for 45 minutes, all for a burrito which was most likely soggy and an iced coffee most likely sans ice. I also had things to do. And hunger to attend to. So I ONCE AGAIN call the number and asked them to deliver, trying my best to not allude to the fact that I’d been wandering around looking for a place probably steps from my office. Appearances must be kept, right?

Finally, the food arrived! I went downstairs, tip in hand, only to find a guy in a business suit holding a paper bag and refusing my tip.

So. Weird. Is  “Sidewalk Cafe” code for some wacko making tainted burritos in an upstairs kitchenette? Is this a man making his lunch and then selling it for a few extra bucks? WHAT IS THIS???

After much investigation (on my part) and laughing (on my coworkers’ part), it was finally figured out that the Sidewalk Cafe is actually the restaurant inside of a gym across the street from my office. According to the site, this cafe is not on a sidewalk, but on the 5th floor. Also, the only way to get in is with a gym membership or as a guest of a member. Also, they don’t deliver, which means a waiter had to leave the restaurant to deliver food I ordered practically 2 hours ago. I am dumb.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is why I a) never order takeout and b) bring my own lunch.