Tag Archives: gum


28 Sep

Earlier this afternoon, I went to the pharmacy to pick up some things, and in a last-minute move, grabbed a pack of gum. BAD IDEA. Because that gum is now gone. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, in just a little over two hours, I’ve chewed seventeen pieces of Trident gum. Minty fresh!

Let me assure you, there is nothing more professional than chomping on a massive wad of gum while in the middle of a conference call. O, you hadn’t heard that? That’s because it’s not professional at all! Yet this is exactly what I did. While other people talked, I chewed–any question directed at me was met with an awkward five-second silence where I tried removing this behemoth of gum paste from my jaws.

I can’t really think of a good reason why I feel the need to chew so many pieces of gum at once, but this has been a life-long obsession/compulsion of mine! One of my biggest childhood goals was to eat an entire roll of Bubble Tape in one sitting (…still unfulfilled…). The best Christmas present I ever received was a case of Orbit…which I promptly finished by New Years! But you’d think as an adult, I’d have gotten my gum consumption under control, especially at work! Who wants to talk to someone with chipmunk cheeks and an eye-watering level of fresh breath? Apparently no one, because I’ve been sitting in silence all day!

So this is why I don’t usually buy gum, except in moments of crippling weakness and impulse purchasing at the drug store. Otherwise, the only time I chew it is when someone offers it to me, and that only opens the flood gates of a deep desire to later rifle through their desk and find the rest of the pack! Trust me on this one, I’ve never stooped that low…but I’ve thought about it. Lock your desks, people!