Tag Archives: office life


28 Sep

Earlier this afternoon, I went to the pharmacy to pick up some things, and in a last-minute move, grabbed a pack of gum. BAD IDEA. Because that gum is now gone. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, in just a little over two hours, I’ve chewed seventeen pieces of Trident gum. Minty fresh!

Let me assure you, there is nothing more professional than chomping on a massive wad of gum while in the middle of a conference call. O, you hadn’t heard that? That’s because it’s not professional at all! Yet this is exactly what I did. While other people talked, I chewed–any question directed at me was met with an awkward five-second silence where I tried removing this behemoth of gum paste from my jaws.

I can’t really think of a good reason why I feel the need to chew so many pieces of gum at once, but this has been a life-long obsession/compulsion of mine! One of my biggest childhood goals was to eat an entire roll of Bubble Tape in one sitting (…still unfulfilled…). The best Christmas present I ever received was a case of Orbit…which I promptly finished by New Years! But you’d think as an adult, I’d have gotten my gum consumption under control, especially at work! Who wants to talk to someone with chipmunk cheeks and an eye-watering level of fresh breath? Apparently no one, because I’ve been sitting in silence all day!

So this is why I don’t usually buy gum, except in moments of crippling weakness and impulse purchasing at the drug store. Otherwise, the only time I chew it is when someone offers it to me, and that only opens the flood gates of a deep desire to later rifle through their desk and find the rest of the pack! Trust me on this one, I’ve never stooped that low…but I’ve thought about it. Lock your desks, people!


The Best Seat in the House

11 Sep

There are a few words I would use to describe myself, but “sports fanatic” is not one of them. Sure, I can be fanatical about some things, like say, collaging, or the particular configuration of my decorative sofa pillows, but about sports? Not so much. However, last night, I was TOTALLY INTO the US Open Men’s Tennis Final, so much so that I stayed at work until 9:30 PM just to watch it!

I don’t have a TV in my apartment, and when the match started at 4:30 PM, I figured they’d bang out the sets in a couple of hours and I’d be good to go! Four hours later, once the automatic blinds began dropping from the office windows and the lights started clicking off, they were just getting into the fifth set! At this point, I was literally the only person in the office, and was tempted to camp out in the conference room, where there is an enormous television hanging from the wall. But my fear of being caught by the cleaning crew with my feet up, combined with the eeriness of being in an empty office by myself, kept me hunched over my desk, an expense report open as a ploy!

Before the place cleared out, my enthusiasm over each amazing rally had to be stuffed inside, because a.) I was supposed to be working and b.) I didn’t want to bring out the wrath of my coworkers.  But once people went home, it was party time! It was such a good match, I was glued to the TV until the very end, cheering as each winning shot was slammed to the baseline and groaning when a bad one slapped against the tape! It was awesome! Yay, sports!

Hm, thinking about this in retrospect, I suppose it’s a testament to my vivid social life that this was how I spent my evening. Yikes…off to get a life now, or at least tickets to next year’s tournament!

A Miracle Has Occurred

7 Sep

Ah, the end of the week! How is it possible that I’m already ready for a break? Obviously it’s going to take more than four days to get back into work mode–all of the motivation I had on Tuesday morning was promptly replaced Tuesday afternoon with the desire to go and eat an ice cream cone and vedge out in the sun. Of course, I did both of these things.

Despite the fact that this week was a bit of a let-down on several levels, my beachy vibes were scoring me compliments all over the place! My tan, my new dress–I was just basking in the glow of my own vanity!  And then–incredibly–someone complimented me on my hair. Yes. This actually happened.

Can we just ruminate on this for a second? SOMEONE GAVE ME A COMPLIMENT ON MY COIF. Usually, the only people who ever say anything nice about my hair are my sister, while trying to talk me off the ledge and wrangle the scissors out of my hand before I cut stress-bangs; and my mom, who really doesn’t have a choice. But this person was a coworker, someone who probably doesn’t have any idea the trauma and angst this head of hair has caused me. How were they to know this passing compliment would elevate my week from a crummy 4 to a solid 7?!

I have honestly considered taking another vacation, just so I can come back and get another compliment about my tresses. Seems a little extreme, yes, but that was a one-in-a-million opportunity! Literally….for the next one million years, I will not get another compliment like that. So…where are we headed???

Back on the Saddle

4 Sep

I’m back! After a lovely, wonderfully relaxing and uneventful week, it’s back to work! I’m a little tanner, much more relaxed, and BACK IN THE ZONE. I’m IN IT. In THE ZONE.

….Uh, not exactly. Vacation is just so nice! The expression “The best part of going away is coming back home” doesn’t really apply when you spend an entire week lounging on the beach with nary a care in the world! At home, I don’t sleep eleven hours a night! At home, I don’t have dessert after every meal and then not even care! At home, I don’t spend my day reading books and doing crossword puzzles. Instead, I work, and I eat salads, and I stay up until 2 am obsessing over my work outfit. Not quite as much fun.

However, I had a ten-hour car ride to get me back into the swing of things, and once I finally got back to my apartment and unpacked, I was actually looking forward to going to work. I went to bed early with butterflies in my stomach–it felt like I was getting ready for the first day of school! I even laid out an outfit and packed my lunch! I’m like a new woman! Like, a completely new woman.

My post-vacation motivation continued when I woke up early and managed to get to work a few minutes ahead of schedule. It felt nice to pen my daily to-do list and flush out my emails to start with a clean slate! Plus, everyone is in a good mood from the three-day weekend, so I’m feeling pretty good right now! We’ll see how long I can channel this clear-headedness before I’m surfing Trip Advisor for my next getaway!

A Softball Slaughter

20 Aug

Last Friday was (mercifully) the last softball game of the season. We lost. By a lot.

It was a total bloodbath actually: a horrifying 20-3! Sure, we went out to have a little fun, but our opponents had other ideas. Considering our combined weight as a team was about equal to one of their players, we were pretty unfairly matched! On top of my usual athletically-induced anxiety before these games, I was also sweating profusely after finally getting a team shirt, which is long-sleeved and apparently made of wool! After a ten-minute warm up lobbing balls as the other team whacked grand-slams just to get the blood pumping, I was already feverish from the heat. Then we found out we’d be taking the outfield first, so I scurried as far away from any base spots and settled on the left-outfield, where I figured I’d see minimal play.

This was an incorrect assumption. The first four batters smacked it straight towards me and over my head, forcing me to sprint across the field, grab the ball and then sprint back towards my other teammates, who stood watching this show with a mixture of embarrassment for me and relief it wasn’t them! This then happened three more times. Wheezing heavily, I threw the ball to my teammate for the fourth time, who effortlessly whipped it towards home base, getting someone out. Because there is a God, we got another two outs and I was saved any further humiliation…at least until I was up at bat!

My first time out, I hit a nice grounder and rushed the base just as a curve ball landed squarely in the glove. I was out. My second time up, I made it to first base, but failed to reach second after deciding my life would be at risk if I slammed into the concrete block that was the second baseman. The game continued in this manner for five innings, our well-intentioned attempts at actually getting a run falling short to their attempts at making our lives a living hell. They finally scored twenty runs, automatically ending the game. After a show of half-hearted sportsmanship, we all shook hands and went our separate ways, which meant back to work! I promptly headed for the office kitchenette and stuck my head in the freezer to cool off and hide my face from shame! Looks like those traumatic high school gym memories can be topped!

The Single Floor Sigh

1 Aug

When I was in college, there was an unspoken rule that if you lived/had class between the first and third floor, you took the stairs. People who pressed three–and God-forbid two–were subject to the leering glares of exhausted students late for classes ten to fifteen floors up! As someone who lived on the third floor of my dorm, this rule obviously sucked, but climbing the stairs was way better than the passive-aggressive sighs and disgusted looks thrown my way. One especially shameful time, I snuck into an empty elevator and quickly pressed three, sweating out the crucial seconds between the closing doors, before being intercepted at the last-minute by someone in a rush to get upstairs! After an excruciating three floors with the heady weight of judgement on my shoulders, I was fully cured of my elevator-dependent ways and spent the rest of the semester huffing and puffing my way to my room!

Apparently, some of the people who work in my building did not share this traumatic yet calf-muscle-building experience, and feel no shame or remorse in taking the stairs up or even down a single flight! Many a morning I’ve come rushing into the elevator, only to have to wait as people illuminate the entire switchboard with their flat-out refusal to climb the twelve meager stairs between floors. Even worse are the people who take the elevator down a single flight! Use your legs!

But of course, there are exceptions. For example, if you are in a full body cast, taking the elevator is obviously acceptable (although probably good physical therapy to take the stairs?). And if you are Diane Sawyer, you can basically do whatever you want, which is the situation I found myself in this afternoon. After absent-mindedly entering the elevator, the bell dinged two, and I struggled to hold in the enormous sigh threatening to erupt from my lips. But my annoyance was immediately replaced by admiration, when my journalistic and life idol Diane Sawyer strolled out of the elevator with her lunch! Best elevator ride EVER!

So basically, the moral of the story is the only way it is acceptable to take the elevator a single floor is to either be covered head to toe in plaster, or to be the greatest and classiest journalist ever. Take your pick, or take the stairs!

Workplace Bonding

26 Jun

Last night I went to the movies for the first time in probably two years….with my coworkers! Like I don’t see those people enough! I kid…(don’t want to get myself in any hot water around the coffee machine!) One of my coworkers suggested a movie night, and that sure beat my usual Monday night plans, which typically consist of eating cereal in my bed while watching Say Yes to the Dress, so I went! Too bad the movie wasn’t that great, but it was still a fun night out on the town!

I really love the work community these days–a lot of the people I work with are around my age, and it’s nice to be building relationships with people I see for almost half my day! Between this movie night, the occasional happy hour and our softball team, it’s been fun pal-ing around with my work friends! Plus, our new office really encourages a more social workplace, and you certainly don’t need to give me an excuse to jabber away to my cube mate about my new shoes, the weather…basically any opportunity to flap my lips, I’ll gladly take! But the feelings certainly seem mutual…at least my cube mates don’t seem to mind!

Regardless, everyone seemed to enjoy the bonding session last night, and there were a few more hellos in the hall and quippy emails peppering my day. Now if we could just get approval to see Magic Mike at the next movie night, that’ll really bring us all closer!