Tag Archives: save me

Not Again!!

7 Nov

It is ridiculous how inappropriately  dressed  I am for this weather today. Obviously this is not new for me, as I find it close to impossible to wrap my brain around the technology of weather.com and and am apparently unable to rotate my neck far enough to look out a window.  I knew snow was coming, I knew it was probably going to rain, and yet I decided to forgo pants for a dress, ski socks for tights, boots for heels, and a blazer for a winter coat. O yea, I also did not bring an umbrella! Excellent pre-planning, as usual.

My inability to pick out a weather appropriate outfit is directly related to my frazzled last-minute clothing choices. This is just one of the many casualties of my disastrous morning routine. And in all honestly, I  can’t even say I’ve been trying that hard to change! This morning for example, I overslept by 45 minutes, got dressed, did my hair and makeup, and then got dressed again because I didn’t like my outfit. Then I gathered my keys, phone and blackberry from their various hidden locations around my apartment, tossed a container of yogurt and an open bag of mini carrots into my purse, and opened my front door. I then decided I wasn’t into this second outfit, so I got dressed again! Three opportunities to put on socks! Three opportunities to wear a sweater! Three opportunities WASTED!

I’ve tried in the past to streamline my mornings, but nothing seems to stick. A few days with an organized purse here, a week of premade lunches there, each enthusiastic attempt eventually rebuffed by an eternal inability to realize how much easier my life would be if I just ripped up some lettuce into a Tupperware and picked out a pair of pants before I went to bed.

Sheesh…who knows what it will take. All I know is that I’m not looking forward to heading home tonight…and neither are my open-toe-sandeled feet!

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I Need to Get Away

27 Jul

OMG, OMG, OMGeeeeee…this day needs to be OVER! There are approximately six hours and three minutes until I clock out, before making the mad(denning) rush to the Port Authority, punching someone in the face, getting on a bus to New Jersey, sitting in an hour of traffic, and then getting in a car and driving to the Catskills. Sigh….so many hours away from anything resembling relaxation!

I am in DESPERATE need of a change of scenery. The past few months have been a roller coaster of busy-ness which has recently come to a screeching halt. My motivation and productivity have sunk to an all time low,  the weather is disgusting, my apartment is hot, and I haven’t slept well in weeks! My desire to do anything besides drink margaritas and online shop is getting to hang out, and MY HAIR LOOKS HORRIBLE. I am a hot mess of emotions!

I am honestly just over summer. It’s only July, and I’m already dreaming of crisp fall weather, apple picking, and tweed.  Plus, the fact that my vacation is still an entire month away is just unfathomable at this point! Will my toes ever touch soft sand or feel the  lap of the ocean waves?  Will my skin ever not be pale and sallow?? Will I ever leave this city for more than three days at a time??? Hopefully a weekend of fresh air and ice pops will help reset my mental clarity and put me in a better mood. If not, it’s a LONG time until the end of August!

Triple Fresh

2 Jul

Yesterday was not only the first day of the week, but also of the month, and then also the first day of the second half of the year! Talk about a fresh start! I’ve always loved Sundays, because it’s like pressing the reset button and starting fresh. Sunday nights I sit down and plot out my week, all in the hopes of finally reaching some organizational nirvana, where my outfits are pre-planned and my lunches pre-made! I go to bed Sunday night absolutely convinced I’ll finally be waking up on time this week!

The ante is exponentially up-ed on the first of the month. All my bad habits and unfinished to-dos get re-printed neatly and started again. I leave the previous month in the dust and pat myself on the back for managing to do less than half of the things I set out to accomplish. Yayyy me. I’m not crazy at all! “This will be the month!” I always think–the month I stop eating cereal for dinner, the month I spend Friday nights not in my bed, watching Netflix…and eating cereal for dinner.

So give me this triple whammy, and I’m going crazy! I’ve updated my calendar, refreshed my New Year’s Resolution list, and started out on the right foot by going to bed early last night, and making it to work today ON TIME! Yes! My type-A, hyper-control freak tendencies really do have a place in this world! It’s the perfect storm of OCD! I better get busy…lots to do!

I Got Another Haircut

9 May

I got a haircut on Saturday, and am now into day three of vacillating over whether I like it. My last haircut came with the typical trauma, and as always, I dreaded cutting my hair again, despite the fact it looked like hell for the better part of last week and I had taken to hiding in my cubicle with little sun exposure just to avoid human interaction.

But Saturday, I was determined wrangle my mop, so pictures in hand, I went down to the salon. Twenty minutes later, I had a haircut which really looked nothing like the photos I had shown her.  However, I was surprisingly upbeat about it. I thought it looked cute and sassy, and despite the odd wave my new bangs had taken on, I actually liked it.

And then I went home and stared at myself in the mirror some more, and I decided I looked like a 13-year-old boy. So then I applied some liquid eyeliner and put on a headband and decided I looked more like a 1960s housewife. But then I did taebo and caught a sight of my new bangs clinging to my sweaty forehead and started to regret this choice. So then I took a shower and blow dried it “just so” and decided it was different and looked pulled together. And so on and so on and SO ON.

Now it’s Monday, and not one person at work has commented on my haircut. This could mean one of two things:

  1. It looks so horrible and weird that people don’t have the heart to even say something as simple as “Ooo, you got a haircut!”
  2. ….Actually, I’ve decided it can really only mean that one thing.

Sigh. I know it’s only been a few days and the hair is still “in shock” (as countless hairdressers have advised me in the past). And just like my haircut last time, it will eventually grow out to where it looks good. But then, I will become enticed with haircuts that would never look good on me and be lured into the salon gripping a photo only to slightly convince myself it turned out sort of like that, only to be faced with the reality that IT DEFINITELY DID NOT and then cry.

Next time I say “I really need to get a haircut” someone please say “Get a TRIM or shave your head and start wearing a wig.”

The Final Countdown…Part FOREVER

21 Feb

Last week, I counted down the final hours of my shift, watched the clock tick to midnight and skipped back to the Port Authority for that last tortuous bus ride. I had my new job to look forward to, a job that came so easily and out of the blue, I was pretty shocked. If you recall, the conversation that led me to get this job went something like this:

New Boss: Hi! When do you think you can start working for us?

Me: Huminah, huminah….omg YAY! Tomorrow?

But in reality, when is anything that easy? A month later, I’m still itching for that new job and dealing with one dead-ended conversation after the next, most of them going something like this:

Old Boss: skldjflksjdflkjselkjglkjhlkdj;aldlfkjal;fkgj lskjglkjlfkajsd;lkfjlskdjf. So see, that’s why you can’t start until next week.

But last week, a month of deliberations, two-day work weeks, no paychecks, and 968 hours worth of SNL skits later, I was told I would be starting my job this Monday. So why am I sitting on my couch in my pajamas right now? O, here’s the answer for you: I suddenly became important to my old boss–so important that she pushed my start date back again so I could train a new employee she had a month to hire! Why is it that you suddenly become valuable when you have no interest in selling yourself anymore? I just want to move on, and the one person that’s holding me back is the one in charge of pushing me forward!

Bottom line: I am so sick of the boredom! The pajamas! The mid-morning TV lineup! Perhaps I’ll be eating my words, but I JUST WANT TO WORK!

Ego Trip

31 Jan

Phew! What a night! After a shaky start, Sunday continued to prove that I should’ve just stayed home.

Now, I get it. I am at the ABSOLUTE BOTTOM of the chain here, and considering most of the people who work here had my job at one time, I’m sure they too encountered the criticism and the rudeness that has become commonplace. And maybe when/if I get promoted, I’ll be a raging bitch to the people on staff. But tonight, it sucks, and has been pretty relentless since I walked in the door.

Here’s a sampling of the conversations I’ve had:

While asking the editor to take a call:

Me: Excuse me, someone’s on the other line for you.

Editor: (after taking the call) Next time, write the message on a post-it, because when you scream at me, it makes me lose my train of thought.

Ok, so I sit approximately 12 INCHES away from this person, and MOST DEFINITELY did not scream.

While on the phone with a frazzled producer:

FP: I need you to get me the number for so-and-so NOW. IT’S URGENT.

Me: (taken aback) Sure thing. Just give me one sec.

Shall we talk about screaming now? Because she was MOST DEFINITELY screaming at me.

While exchanging light conversation with someone talking about their Saturday night:

Me: That’s such a great story! Haha, hilarious.

STASN: Yea, we can’t talk about this right now, I need you to do something for me.

Wait, we weren’t talking about anything. You were telling me about your night.

While sitting there in silence doing absolutely nothing with my supervisor:

Supervisor: Can you call the IT department for me, my computer isn’t working.

Me: Sure, what’s wrong with it?

Supervisor: I need you to call IT! Get somebody down here to fix it.

Of course, when I called, they wanted to know what was wrong with the computer. Response: It won’t start. Cut to the next five minutes of relaying conversation between the IT guy and my supervisor, who was sitting there eating dinner while I tried to figure out a problem on a computer that’s NOT EVEN MINE.

I only have an hour left in my shift, but who knows what else can happen. It’s a battlefield around here and I’m apparently surrounded by land mines.

A Deaf Sounding-Board

8 Jan

Last night I spent an inordinate amount of time on Craigslist, the treasure trove of my biggest fantasy: my own apartment. The urge to rent my own place is become stronger everyday, as my commuting time grows and my connection to the general public shrinks. But perhaps my middle-of-the-night hunting was an omen for what I was going to encounter at home this morning–yet another preachy lecture from the almighty parental units after a gripe session about my job, my constant fatigue, and my frustration in the complete lack of progress I’ve made so far. In fact, it seems I’ve taken some steps back since I started: I’m working less and mostly doing nothing after being relegated to weekend overnights, aka “catching up on my New York Times” time.

Now as some one who has felt intense dissatisfaction with their life and faced an ongoing struggle to 1. be happy and 2. get out from under the eternal cloud since graduation day, I more than anyone else should be allowed to be frustrated. But of course, since my dad graduated college once, and had an entry-level job in a completely unrelated field once, he knows absolutely everything there is to know about what I should and am apparently not doing in my current situation. After berating me for being “the most negative person ever” he proceeded to tell me I needed to be patient, but also aggressive. Don’t expect too much, but set your goals high. Succinct, dad. And the final flourish: “I never got to live rent free in a comfortable house!” Craigslist, are you still there?

I personally find it a bit offensive that he thinks I’m not trying hard enough. All I do is try! I don’t recall my dear old dad having to chase his dream down 9th avenue on a Friday night at 11:53, nor do I recall hearing stories of a senior year filled with a 30-hour-a-week internship and an 18-credit course load while friends were hitting happy hour and making sterling silver cocktail rings. I’m not bemoaning my choices–I’m proud of what I was able to accomplish and understand the rarity of my situation–that I have a job at all. I just would like a small pat on the back sometimes, instead of a beat down.

The thing about parents is that they always “have your best interests at heart” but often that really only applies if your interests are their interests.  I understand I haven’t been a picnic these past couple of months, and perhaps I need to continue tweaking my attitude adjustment, but do I really need to get the “I’m your parent therefore I know all YOU MUST LISTEN TO ME” treatment every time I have a bad day? When will my parents see me as an adult who’s not satisfied with their job instead of a naive college-grad complaining for the sake of it? I would ask, but they’re too busy assembling the lectern.