Tag Archives: sleep deprivation

It Is Hot.

22 Jul

These past few days have been really intense. Aside from slogging away at work for seven days straight, (recall my weekend adventures) the heat has completely zapped me.

Everyday, I’ve been in and out of a dazed state,  jolted only by plugging into my central IV of iced coffee. Thank God there aren’t too many people in the office this week, because my seemingly permanent slack-jawed, glassy-eyed expression really invites conversation….

Fortunately, my office has air conditioning, but my new apartment does not, so I spend my nights with an enormous box fan literally inches from my face. Since I usually shower and go to bed with my head wet, my hair is so wind-blown and tangled in the mornings, I’ve taken to pulling it back into a snarled, damaged poof. Just visualize how attractive that is. Got it? Now multiply that unattractiveness by 10.

The combination of sleep deprivation, unconditioned hair, and a diet of iced coffee and cereal means it’s time to head to New Jersey for the weekend and enjoy the comforts of (a well-cooled) home. I’m already dreading the commute though….some things never change. And while my mom is overjoyed at seeing me after just a week and a half away, I’m really planning on just finding the closest body of water and submerging myself up to my nose for the entire weekend. Priorities people, priorities.

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MIA

27 May

What a week what a week WHAT A CRAZY, INSANE, BUSY, EXHAUSTING, TOTALLY RIDICULOUS WEEK.

Where to even begin? Where to even end? My head is swirling, my feet are aching, and I am officially counting down the seconds to the holiday weekend. This week, I neglected everything: sleep, square meals, social conversation and this blog, because work threw me for a loop and just kept looping, making me totally MIA in pretty much every aspect of my life.

I came in on Monday refreshed from a good weekend, hoping work would pick up a bit, only to be assigned to three separate projects, all with intense and urgent demands. I worked three 12 hour days, thinking everything was squared away, and then I worked a 14 hour day. I spent my bus rides thinking about the next day’s to-do list while trying to unwind from the day before! I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO BUSY IN MY LIFE.

But this is when I really love my job! The craziness puts me into high-drive mode, which is where I thrive. I pound out work, I focus in, and an orb of total confidence surrounds me. I know I can get it all done, and somehow, someway, I do. Of course, with my total focus on work, I haven’t spoken to my parents in four days, have gotten very little sleep, and have an email inbox filled to bursting. I’m still working on that life-work balance, which is practically impossible with the job I have!

And now the payoff: a luxurious three-day weekend, the first national holiday I DON’T have to work on since I started working last year! TGIFALW (and long weekend!)!!!

Freedom is Near

26 Dec

One hour to go and I am free from work for a marvelous five nights, where I will sleep NON. STOP. for the better part of the next three days.

I’m exhausted–I’ve slept a total of 3.5 hours over the past two days, perhaps because of the excitement of Christmas and my fear of missing out on anything slightly resembling a social activity, but probably because my brain hates me and won’t stop buzzing so I can get some rest! Of course, my brain shuts down when I actually need it to semi-function: the second I get to work. But today, like yesterday, required absolutely nothing of me, which is perfect, because I am unable to give in practically every way possible. I’m your girl if someone at the office is looking for a still-life model of a catatonic twenty-something though.

Now, the next few weeks will offer me a plethora of opportunity to get some normal sleep. Once again, my boss has obliterated any chance of me actually making any money or getting promoted within, let’s say, the next 20 years, because my schedule was slashed to just two days…on the weekend….for the next three weeks. But honestly, I’m not really too bummed–these hours are kicking my ass, and looking back, the last time I’ve taken a break longer than a three-day-weekend was last Christmas, and even then I headed back to college two-weeks early to start my internship. Then I interned through spring break, started my job the day after graduation, missed my family vacation and have worked every major holiday since. And look where it’s gotten me. So I’m not really feeling all that bad about it. Who needs a paycheck anyway? I’ll just keep repeating that to myself, before the vision of me living in my parent’s house until I’m forty forces me to chain myself to my desk and not leave until I’ve made enough for a rent payment.

Chestnuts Roasting On A…Computer Monitor?

25 Dec

Merry Christmas everyone! It should come as no surprise that I’m at work right now, running on two hours of sleep and six cups of coffee (so far). This is going to be a long night, primarily because IT’S CHRISTMAS AND NO ONE IS WORKING AND EVEN THE NEW YORK TIMES HASN’T UPDATED SINCE I COMBED THROUGH EVERY FEATURE ARTICLE YESTERDAY WHEN I WAS ALSO WORKING AND NOW I’M YELLING IN CAPS LOCK AND BASICALLY WORKING ON CHRISTMAS SUCKS!

Well, I got that out of my system. Fortunately, I was able to salvage a bit of my Christmas Eve by sacrificing the majority of my sleep. Let me tell you, there is nothing like sitting down to a tuna steak approximately five minutes after waking up from a groggy, 2-hour nap. But I sat down to the family dinner, made it to church and the annual after party, ate cookies, conversed like a normal human being, and even wore lipstick. It was a big deal.

And now I’m at work, watching the minutes tick by. I actually have quite the laundry list of things I’d like to get done tonight, mostly to avoid falling asleep at my desk and killing someone. I want to work on some fellowship applications to study abroad, figure out how to fill out a direct deposit form so I can finally get a paycheck, and add to my soon-to-be released novel, currently titled Actually, You Are Never Going to Write This Thing.

But let’s not kid ourselves here. I think we all know that what I’ll actually be doing is watching Christmas movies on Hulu and following the North American Aerospace Defense Control’s…wait for it…Santa Tracker. Right now he’s in the Galapagos Islands, but in approximately 10 seconds, he’ll be in Chile! How does he do it??

Well anyway, Merry Christmas everyone. My movies are queued up and I only have 420 minutes to fit them all in, so I better get busy.

Why Can’t I Just Like My Job?

23 Dec

Yet another job I am slowly coming to dislike. The past couple of days have really changed my fondness for my job, as my schedule has been moved around drastically on a daily basis, obliterating my Christmas and New Year’s plans. I get it, I work in 24-hour news, I guess I should expect to work Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and apparently New Year’s Eve. But that doesn’t mean it’s fair, or that I’m happy about it. Plus, one day I’m working Christmas, the next I’m not, then the next day I am! My boss seems to have a supreme problem making a schedule and sticking to it, without it affecting her life at all. Meanwhile, all of us are getting whiplash from the constant and unnecessary adjustments.

I’m getting discouraged. Perhaps it’s just a mental reaction to my constant sleep-deprivation that I’m once again feeling down about my job and my future, and it’s not a welcome feeling. I slogged through six months of feeling like I was on the brink of some massive failure before pulling myself out to more solid and promising ground. And yet here I find myself again, doubting my career choice, doubting the purpose for doing all of this, and basically feeling like a sad sack. While I have yet to disintegrate into hysterical tears or pound mercilessly on my car dashboard, I’m just getting really tired of feeling so unclear as to what it is I should–and want–to be doing with my life.

Now, this doesn’t have to do with setting high expectations this time, because I tried to set the bar low. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes. And it’s not the job per se, it’s the whole lifestyle.Maybe I’m asking for too much, but it would be nice to actually enjoy my job and see my friends and family occasionally and actually make some money.  I didn’t imagine that the most basic tenets of a job would be completely foreign to me. Instead of having a semi-work-life-balance, my life has zero balance. I sleep, commute, work, and in my free time I obsess about sleep and the disturbing disappearance of it in my life.

I wonder if it’s just me. Maybe I’m just not cut out for working. Maybe I don’t have the ambition that I thought I did. I know I don’t have the patience. But the word document with my Pulitzer-prize winning novel still only contains a blinking cursor, so right now, I think the choice has been made.

Hopefully once the holidays pass and the irritation of having to work every major holiday this year has faded, I’ll be more positive.  And hopefully my boss will set a New Year’s resolution to actually do her job correctly. But if I’ve learned anything from this year, it’s that you can’t have it all.

I Work Ridiculous Hours

5 Dec

I’ve been plugging away at the new job for two weeks now, and it is still really, really weird to be working from midnight to 9 am. I’ve managed to fit in enough sleep here and there, before carbo-loading, sleep style, on my days off. But it’s just not normal to be awake at those times, and if my forray into working the 5 am-1 pm shift at my last job was any indication, I get a little loopy in the late/early hours. Examples:

1. I’ve listened to the same song 10 times in a row and still cannot comprehend the words. (This is actually not exclusive to overnight hours…)

2. I’m shopping for butcher knives and cosmetic bags online (for Christmas, people!! Uh, still weird though.)

3. I’ve scrolled through Facebook every ten minutes for the past hour. No one has updated anything. Surprise!

4. After rereading through what I’ve written thus far, I realized I can’t spell. (Also not exclusive to the overnight hours.)

5. Somehow, my shoe came off and magically disappeared under my desk. Did not realize this until I was halfway across the room…wearing one black shoe and a blue sock.

6. Apparently I can’t tell the difference between black and blue.

These hours make my shifts at my old job seem absolutely indulgent. I can’t believe I used to complain about working until 10:00 at night! Now, all I do is work and obsess over whether I’ll be able to get enough sleep. Ah, how I miss that place.

Wait…..WHAT?! Did I actually just reminisce about a job that turned me into an absolute psycho-whack-job? Oh my gosh, I DID! What is wrong with me? Quick, must think of ways to not reminisce, must think of ways to not….o, I got one! EVERYTHING ELSE ABOUT THAT JOB. Phew, glad I straightened that out!

A Sixer…Then a Fourteen-er

4 Dec

Yesterday, I finished an intense six-day work week. It was pretty hard-core, especially since this isn’t a typical 9-5 job. As the week went on, it became more and more of a struggle to visualize making the hour-and-a-half trek into work when the alarm would sound at 9:30 p.m. Then, I was supposed to make it through an eight-hour shift and listen to my coworkers yawn and lament over their own exhaustion? As the newbie, I have to keep my mouth shut: no complaining, no commiserating, and most especially no sleeping. But as the week wore on, I became more and more exhausted, not just with the fact that I was working…and working…and working…but that it seemed so absolutely endless. There’s only so many nights you can crack as smile when your family produces the same line: “Have a good “day” (chortle chortle) …at night! Get it?”   

Apparently, people at my job call this kind of schedule “a sixer” and I was unsympathetically told that “we’ve all been there.” Well, that’s really great for you. I love being reminded that I am on the absolute bottom of the totem pole–even interns get to sleep in! But when it was finally over, and I was riding home on the bus, suddenly wide awake and wired from too much coffee and too little sleep, I felt really intense. Like, I did this. I worked six days in a row, and rocked it out! Then I went home, lounged on the couch for five hours and went to bed at 7:30.

And then, I woke up…FOURTEEN HOURS LATER BITCHES! Ah, such sweet bliss, waking up as the sun shined, my eyes refusing to stay closed for another minute.  Do I feel guilty for being a 22-year old who goes to bed hours before toddlers and senior citizens? Uh, no! Well…maybe a little. But sleep feels five million times better than life-lameness.

But as soon as it began, it was over. I’m back at work…it’s 3 am. Thankfully, I’m only signed up to work a four-day week before I have another few days off. In just four seemingly short days, I’ll be back relishing in the softness of my sheets, the fluffiness of my pillow, the heaviness of my eyelids sliding down over my eyes….ahhh. Life is so divine. If I can’t look forward to instant success at work, at least I can look forward to instant slumber after.